Tom Holland Really Upset About Latest Horrid Spider-Man: Far From Home Poster
By John Byrne

Yesterday saw the long-awaited release of Spider-Man: Far From Home, the first Marvel Cinematic Universe film in a post-Avengers: Endgame world.

But Tom Holland, who stars in the film as Peter Parker/Spider-Man, is upset about the way Sony Pictures has put together the final Spider-Man: Far From Home poster.

“That poster makes me so upset,” said Holland in a fake British accent. “First, that’s Tobey Maguire’s body on my head. It’s not even my body! I don’t know why they did that.”

The second mistake is even more alarming. “They seemed to want to put my head on Jake (Gylenlnhaal)’s body, realized the error, but then forget to delete my face. You can still see him there!”

Holland isn’t the only person who has qualms with the new movie’s posters. Samuel L. Jackson, the man who has starred as Nick Fury in 84 Marvel films, was not pleased about his appearance on the poster.

“Muthafukka the eyepatch is right but that’s that knight riding baywatch muthafukka on the poster. There’s only one Nick Fury and that’s me muthafukka.”

We reached out to that knight riding baywatch muthafukka who shrugged his shoulders over the phone and said, “Seems legit.”

Spider-Man: Far From Home stars Tom Holland (Spider-Man/Peter Parker) Zendaya (MJ), Marisa Tomei (Aunt May), Jacob Batalon (Ned), Tobey Maguire (Spider-Man’s body) Jon Favreau (Happy Meal), and Sam Jones (Flash Gordon). In addition to the returning Spider-Man cast, the film will star Jake Gyllennhail (Mysterio) and features David Hasselhoff and Cobie Smulders as Nick Fury and Maria Hill, respectively.

“It’s a really great, fun film,” said top critic Hakey Zack. Disney subsequently laid him $712 for his review.

CORRECTION: Previous versions of this article misspelled Jake Gylenhaaal’s last name as Glyndenhall, Mendalhall, Gullenhaal, Gyllenhaal, Glendenhill, and Bob. We apologize to those who need an apology.

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