The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #30
Written by: Ryan North
Artist by: Erica Henderson and Rico Renzi
Published by: Marvel Comics

Reviewed by: Ryan McLelland

Squirrel Girl’s breakout success came within the years that I stopped reading books from the big two. I know that she is a fun, quirky character that readers seem to relate to. I know that cosplayers love to dress up as her because she is fun and quirky. When I picked up the latest issue of Squirrel Girl I didn’t know what to expect. I was hoping that the book would be a fun read about a superhero millennial like the amazing Ms. Marvel book. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #30 may be one of the worst books published by a mainstream comic company. I know I’m coming into the book at the end of a story arc but this issue is just a complete disaster. I will say that I did enjoy Erica Henderson’s Mike Allredesque art so the artwork is a complete non-issue for me. It is 100% this book’s dialogue.

The dialogue of this book is written with an off-the-cuff 80’s/90’s King vibe with flashes of the old 60’s books and some sprinkles from the modern era.  It almost feels like it is trying way too hard to be hip – a word that teens may not even know. The book feels like it was written after writer Ryan North watched the Bill and Ted movies a few times in a row. Now there is no bigger Bill and Ted fan than I, but some of this dialogue here just stunned me.

For instance:

PAGE 4:

Panel 1 – Loki and Drax are in space guarding a prisoner.

PRISONER: Drax, it would be most excellent if you’d let us go.  Bro to bro, bro.  You have to let us go.

DRAX: I do not have to let you go.  Hah!  The only thing I have to do is breathe and eat, and then only if I want to stay alive.

Panel 2 – The prisoner turns to Loki.  Loki may be filing his nails.

PRISONER: Okay – Lokie, dude, you know what’d be a great prank?  If you let us go before the Silver Surfer punished us.

LOKI: It’s like – I’m literally the God of Mischief and Lies, and even I can’t stand how scummy you are.  Have some self respect, man.

And on this goes.  On and on.  For the whole issue.

Page five has two aliens fighting and their dialogue is truly to die for.

PAGE FIVE

Panel 7 – The two aliens are pointing fingers at each other.

ALIEN 1: His planet stole my planet’s best ship 1,000 years ago!

ALIEN 2: Only ’cause you stole our best ship 1,001 years ago!

ALIEN 1: W were just making it even from when you stole our best one 1,002 years ago!!

Riveting.  

I think to myself, “Self – this comic is probably just not for you.  There’s probably an audience out there who loves this sort-of weird retro quirky comic book.  Even if you don’t “get it” there are probably tons of readers out there, especially young girls, that may love this title.”

I pull up the Top 100 Comics for February 2018 and Squirrel Girl is nowhere on that list.  After some digging I see that February’s Squirrel Girl comes into the list at #169.  So if this retro book isn’t meant for me that’s fine.  But who is it meant for?  Because there’s one thing that never lies: numbers.  Math is universal.  Those abysmal numbers tells me that most comic readers aren’t reading Squirrel Girl either.

Does it matter?  I’m sure it matters to those fans who DO buy Squirrel Girl.  They don’t want to see the title cancelled and may love this totally excellent and tubular series.  Good for them.  But for anyone who thinks that this title may be “good” – you should truly broaden your comic reading.  There’s a Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel, Wonder Woman, Batwoman, Batgirl, and some other female-centric books with your name on it.  Batgirl is a title with a great millennial feel to it without making every single character sound so goofy.

So it sounds like I’m just bitching about this comic and not really doing any reviewing, right?  Right.  I mean this comic is really all over the place to the point where I just don’t care.  If I have to review then Squirrel Girl is up in the cosmos with Silver Surfer, spreading happy thoughts and wisdom to all sorts of weird looking aliens.

I probably don’t have a problem with the plot.  I mean I love books like GOTG and they have a talking raccoon & a walking tree in space for God’s sake.  I just think the dialogue here is abysmal.  If you are a reader and you like it, then at least someone is getting enjoyment from this book.  But for me?  It is unreadable.  Marvel – do yourselves a favor.  Go hire Amy Chu.  Pay her what she wants.  Then sit back.  I’m sure she could come up with a “hip” Squirrel Girl comic that may actually read well.

RATING: F

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