I was watching American Dad and looking at Francine Smith thinking, “She’s pretty hot.” Then I felt ashamed. I’m watching a cartoon thinking the drawing was pretty hot. I looked on the Internet and saw tons of top 10 lists for hottest cartoons. I wasn’t the only idiot out there who thinks these things. GOOD.
So I wanted to do my top ten hottest cartoon women. I really didn’t have any limits for this list (I don’t watch anime so they aren’t included for the most part) except for comic book cartoons. If they are an established comic book character made into a cartoon they don’t count. So no superhero cartoon women and that includes April O’Neill from TMNT, Honey Lemon from Big Hero 6, and even Valerie from Josie and the Pussycats. HOWEVER if they are new characters on a comic book show originally created just for that show – like Tick’s American Maid, Plastic Man’s Penny, or Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends’ Firestar – then they CAN be included on this. Why? I don’t know. Cause that’s the way I like it. I also didn’t count Princess Ariel or Minmei …because they are like 16. And I know they said Prince Eric was “18” but that dude looked 27 and was a total creeper. Don’t even get me started on Rick Hunter…
So here’s my list of the Top Ten Hottest Cartoon Women:
#10 – Firestar
Angelica Jones comes in at #10 on this list and I’ve loved her since I was a kid watching Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends (which was my favorite Spidey cartoon for years and is now #2 – only second to Spectacular Spider-Man). Who doesn’t love a redhead? Not much to her costume (yellow with some flames on the sleeves and pant legs) but that doesn’t matter. She held her own with Spider-Man and Iceman just fine. The creators of Amazing Friends originally wanted Human Torch, but created Firestar because of a rights issue. Thank God because Firestar was made into a great character and a welcomed female presence to the trio. She later became an active member in the Marvel Universe including a member of one of my favorite books The New Warriors.
#9 – Leela
So Futurama’s Turanga Leela is a one-eyed, purple haired mutant abandoned as a baby. She’s also a kickass fighter, a starship captain, and has a rockin’ bod. Being voiced by Katey Segal probably helps a great deal. Leela sure can rock a tank-top/wife-beater but the boots help show how tough she is. Fry is a lucky guy to snag her though he usually can mess things up pretty good.
I think I was about 11 or 12 when my buddy Tracchi introduced me to the wonders of the cartoon flick Heavy Metal. Blood, violence, and nudity in a cartoon? You didn’t see much of that in the eighties – especially when you were watching Silverhawks or Bionic Six. Add in the voices of John Candy, Eugene Levy, & Harold Ramis and it is a huge win.
Taarna graces the cover of the home video releases and the poster – she’s also a huge part of the film’s lengthly end sequence. She’s extremely scantly clad which of course appealed to the pre-teen Ryan. She was also naked so that REALLY appealed to me. Taarna was also a kickass warrior who took no crap from no one and helped defeat the Barbarian Warlord and his clan affected by the evil Loc-Nar. I wasn’t sure about her inclusion here because I’m not sure if her adventures have been told in print as part of the magazine Heavy Metal. Ultimately I just didn’t care. I really dug her silver hair and NOTHING better than the strong and silent type. Just watch though – she might cut your head off.
#7 – Esmeralda
One of two Disney characters on here Esmeralda is a gorgeous character in an unfortunately subpar film. The Hunchback of Notre Dame was a box office success but, man, such a bummer to watch. Luckily Esmeralda lit up the screen. She was voiced by the very sultry Demi Moore which probably added to her “hotness.” I don’t remember too much about the film because I generally disliked it but I will always remember the character.
#6 – Lana Kane
I don’t know how Archer’s Lana Kane ends up only at #6. Her character is smoking. She’s voiced by Aisha Tyler and I was certain they used her as the character model because, well, look at Aisha Tyler! I was shocked to actually learn they DID NOT. It is what it is. Lana usually rocks some great clothes especially her sweater/turtleneck/dress things with some black boots. Other times she can be caught in just her bra and panties. This is usually much to Sterling Archer’s delight. I just LOVE Archer’s animation and loved that look since they first did it on Frisky Dingo. Lana’s also a strong character which I love. She usually doesn’t take any crap. She sometimes falls for Archer’s B.S. – but that’s her own fault. But how can you hate a gorgeous girl with a gun?
#5 – Aeon Flux
Speaking of a girl with a gun, Aeon Flux is the titular star of Peter Chung’s MTV masterpiece. A master spy, a weird-hot-kinky woman who could flip, shoot, and kill in a dystopian future. Her “spy uniform” is non-existent but I always liked to think that clothes would just bog her down. I loved that Aeon also died in some of the early shorts. That was great. No worries – she always came back to life for the next cartoon. Loved that hair too. Charlize Theron played her in that bad movie that I kinda like but you know it is bad when the cartoon character is hotter than Charlize. Watching Aeon Flux flip around and shoot things kicked major ass. If you were going to die she would be the assassin you would want coming after you.
#4 – Princess Jasmine
OF COURSE Aladdin fell in love with her. Princess Jasmine’s hair and choice of clothing were rocking but it is definitely the way the animators drew her eyes that did it for me. The eyes were AMAZING. And it PISSED ME OFF when they made those horrid Aladdin sequels and RUINED the eyes. They made her look weird. So what do I do? Ignore the sequels and just rewatch what is probably my favorite Disney cartoon over and over. Jasmine was great because she was really strong-willed, smart, and tough. She may have fallen for the street rat a bit too fast but it certainly was better than the alternative. Of course Aladdin fell right for her – just look at her!
#3 – Dr. Girlfriend
AKA Dr. Mrs. The Monarch – Dr. Girlfriend is the sexy wife of the villain The Monarch. While her voice is actually very funny-sounding (she’s voiced by a “he” – The Venture Bros co-creator Doc Hammer) there is simply no denying that Dr. Girlfriend is a super babe. It helps that the writers constantly put her in sexy attire. She’s also smart and doesn’t take crap from anyone, especially The Monarch. Her storylines are amongst the best of the series. You feel slightly weird watching The Venture Bros, seeing Dr. Girlfriend, and hearing that voice. But she’s still sexy…even with that voice.
#2 – Princess Daphne
So you are playing Dirk the Daring in the arcade Dragon’s Lair – running through a series of (what will become known as) Quicktime events to eventually save a kidnapped princess from a dragon. The game is annoying as shit – one wrong move and you die. Usually over and over again. But when you get to the end? You find Princess Daphne encased behind glass in some skimpy get-up and a cutesy sexy voice. You get to the end of the game, you see her, you WANT to save this princess. You NEED to save this princess. You don’t see much of her but her brief appearance in this game makes that much of an impact. She is literally the hottest cartoon ever…save one…
#1 – Jessica Rabbit
Come on. NO ONE can ever beat Jessica Rabbit. The Who Framed Roger Rabbit animators knew what they were doing when they were animating Jessica and whoever decided to cast Kathleen Turner with her husky voice should have gotten a huge Christmas bonus. The lips, the bod, the hair, the curves, and that dress…every single facet of Jessica rocks. The downside? She’s into cartoon rabbits – so if you ever find yourself in Toontown you know you have no chance. Pretty sure Eddie Valiant would have dabbed himself in some ink if he had the chance though.
Who did I consider that didn’t make the list? They were Lois Griffin (Family Guy), Holli Would (Cool World), Francine Smith (American Dad!), Cheetara (Thundercats), Lady Jaye (G.I. Joe), Betty Boop, Velma (Scooby Doo – okay she’s not really hot but I love her anyway), Lisa Hayes (Robotech), Betty Rubble (The Flintstones), Jane Jetson (The Jetsons), Princess Lana (Captain N – The Game Master), Six (Tripping the Rift), Edna Krabappel (The Simpsons), Princess Alura (Voltron), Penny (The Plastic Man Comedy/Adventure Show), American Maid (The Tick), Evil-Lyn (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe), Jamika (Bebe’s Kids), Elastigirl (The Incredibles), and Princess Fiona (Shrek).
Is my list totally wrong? Spot on? Am I an idiot? Let me know!
And to end the whole thing here is a Ninja Turtle honking April’s boob…